yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Randomize
