maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
