it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
