Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
