so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
All I want is dick and wine.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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