my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
