Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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