why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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