So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
