I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
