I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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