Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
