Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
