how can u be prego again
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
wow bdsm is so cute
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
