i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize