Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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