Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just want to make out with him forever
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
