i need an iv and a liver transplant
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
