Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Randomize
