I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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