In the future we'll all be gay
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
