I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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