Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You're like the curious george of whores
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
