NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
