I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
