Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
