just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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