Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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