So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
