I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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