I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
