Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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