ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
you never un-have a 4some
Randomize
