dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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