his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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