whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
