That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
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