Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
