took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
