Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
