just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
