Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize