the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize