I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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