id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
