ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
