So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
