marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
