I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
