Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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