think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
