i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
