It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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