Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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