Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
it hurts more in the daytime
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
