At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize