Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
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