WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
drinking out of a sandbucket again
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize