were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
