you mean i was at the winter classic?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
