im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
