so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
