Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
