i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
