You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
third nipple confirmed
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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