Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
