Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
