he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
