so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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